kooka-burra's Diaryland Diary

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Cardboard Boxes

I have nothing to say.

That’s a lie.

Life is so different from this time last year. I never guessed where I would be right now. Whether it's good or bad I still can't tell.

I like to think that I am moving forward at a good pace and I’m happy to report that I don't find myself comparing myself to other grade nines anymore.

I am focusing on me, because I need a break I need to get away from this for a little while. I need to relax and look at the big picture and deal with things in a calm and adult manner.

I need to sit down and figure out what my mind is telling me. I need to figure out my emotional boundaries, what I feel like I am sure enough to share, and what things that I am still too unsure about. The things that I have to figure out on my own.

I find myself wanting to express the jumbled up mess in my head. I can't put it into words, maybe a picture.

I feel like I am a large cardboard box. As you open one box, there is another inside. People peel away the layers to find a new a different box inside. Each one is a different part of me. Then I get to a point where one of the boxes is taped close, and I don't have the correct tools to open it up. So there I am, people slowly pulling back the boxes behind me, while I desperately try to pry open the next box.
In the center of all these boxes it a little wooden box. There is something inside but I don't know what. All I know is that it's there. I don't know if I’ll ever get down to that little wooden box. I probably never will, but that’s okay with me. It’s just comforting to know it's there.

Right now I am just preoccupied with my next layer of cardboard.

Okay I’m ready to go to the Looney bin now.